February

A break. A small moment, to remind me that it’s all good. And the Rolling Stones are helping.

When was the last time I’ve written? And by written, I obviously don’t mean school essays and scripts, because that’s all I’ve been writing these weeks and months.

For a little amount of time, I’m back, and though I’ve yet to return from surviving weeks of monumental work, I’m taking a break from Java Programming class right now, to write. Because Jesus H-fucking Christ, I need to write. I haven’t written in almost two months, and it seems that it’s one of the few things this time that can keep me from running on fumes.

This month has been beyond hectic. Even if I’m more than likely exaggerating, it still says a lot that I haven’t had any opportunity in the world to write on my blog. Two months. Two months, a gratuitous plethora of homework and responsibilities, a damning anxiety for the Senior Project (which has been hitting its mark more than ever this month.), and simply trying to keep up.

I feel like I’ve been gone for God knows how long, and only right now, am I slightly coming back home. I can feel it in my chest. In a few days, on the 23d of this February, my product. My portfolio. Basically EVERYTHING I’ve been working on most of these months… will be turned in, complete or not complete, I don’t care, it’ll probably be complete, I hope it is, but it will be done. The deed of my Senior year will be done, even if I have to present it in a few months, I don’t care one bit, it. Will. Be. Done.

Only then, will I think I’ll be more than freed, even if slightly. Yes, the Project will be mostly complete for me, but I still have Senior year to complete. And God has the sense of humor to give me Mr. Meitin… all… over again, for Algebra III.

I’ve braved winds and hell for 3 years, I survived Mrs. Johnson, and Mrs. Varner, for Spanish II and Spanish III. But it comes to this, the final boss battle, the last one that will ever be, that will test if I can or will complete this game, graduation. He has no emotion if we fail his class and can’t graduate, he’s said so himself. About 30 people, that I know in one class, will possibly be held back… by one hellish class. This one class, a test of wills. A test of how far I’ll be willing to sacrifice to make sure I pass his class…

Jesus, Ronnie Wood has a sick rift in this song…

Frankly, I have an 87 in his class right now, and it’s almost the end of the 3rd 9wks… but I know it won’t last. I have a test tomorrow, and I know 3/4 the material we’re gonna have. I remind myself how this isn’t Trigonometry anymore, it’s still Algebra III… but it’s still Mr. Meitin, so there’s no turning around. I don’t have a choice. He will not destroy me…

Mr. Baile still isn’t a comfortable teacher to be around with for Economics, but poking fun at his classroom dialect, especially when I’m bloody good at imitating him with Jordan (whom I share both Economics and Java). Even still, he’s a nice and fair teacher when things are in order, and passing his class isn’t as difficult as doing his wkbk pages and dealing with his weekly “assessments”, which we never know if it is either a test or quiz. Getting a B or A in his class shouldn’t have to be too difficult. Or maybe I’ve really turned into a bookworm these months.

Economics is a CP credit requirement, but it doesn’t need to teach me that reality is not fair. I’m not going to New York for college, I’m not going to SCAD for college, I’m not gonna live a life where high ambitions equals high life. High expectations are only dreams. Reality gives its lemons, and you just have to deal with them. I’ve done about everything I need to get ready for whatever college will bring, with HOPE and FASFA, and my possibilities are very high to get into... Augusta State. The last college I would consider- not because it’s a bad college, I doubt it is, college is college- because it isn’t SCAD or New York. But it’s as close to reality as I can get, and as many of my friends last year also concluded. I go to ASU, I get a Bachelors Degree in... Arts, maybe..., and probably have a heavy amount of money woes to not worry about because I’d have had HOPE to boot, and then some.

Bachelors Degree in... what, now? Theatre? Journalism? Game Design? Filmography? Game Design seems to be limited to SCAD, but it shouldn’t limit me from drawing like a ranty politician from hell. Whatever that means. I want to draw concept art for Naughty Dog, or Sucker Punch, or any game developers, because I know I would love it. Waking up on weekday mornings, go to work, and draw.

Or filmography? The Untitled SMiLE Project? Have you heard of it? No? Unless you’re on Facebook and you read my ecstatic posts about what’s up with the project? No? Good. The SMiLE Project is, obviously, from the brilliant Brian Wilson album, and revisiting the album, I’ve made a movie. In my imagination. Slightly on a Word document. But it’s something that’s got to get done. Putting all the pieces together, I feel like I have a grasp for filmography. This Senior Project is helping with the development process. And having a Sony Cybershot for Christmas, makes it more than welcome for amateur experimentation. If not the SMiLE Project, at least a name in YouTube or some major video-sharing network.

For the meantime, aside the “school” in high school, it’s nearing the end of my Senior year, yet I’ve already met new people all over again. And rediscovered. And concluded. Some people I just can’t deal with, or just don’t want any dealing with. I’m too busy to sit anywhere anymore on mornings nowadays because of work and studies, but when I can, I chat it up with some chaps I haven’t known too well, as well as a new guy from Ohio. I’ve changed where I sit during lunch now, because I get more entertainment and good memories outta chatting it up with Allen Harris, Claire Maile, and Kathy Quebedeaux. And I sit in the back of my bus. It doesn’t solve my bus driver’s deadly driving skills, but I’m many steps and stresses away from amateur children-be-middle-schoolers.

Sure, this seems like just a list of what I’m doing to change, and it sounds like I’m being scripted, but I’m finding more happiness and relaxation from these new maneuvers. I continue to learn what, and who, is real, and whatever won’t keep me bored ‘til the next bell rings. And when it’s not this, I’ll be alone, and alright with it. Because like I said before, this is about me more than anything right now. My mind and eyes are narrow and focused, and it’s the right call; my grades are steadily rising (kinda), and I have more time for myself after doing my homework on time nowadays. It’s a busy and steady life.

But it’s usually a life with the solitude of friends. Friends that have taken me places. Such as Level Up? A haven for people like me. Birthday party got me into having an all-nighter event with friends, video games, 32” 1080p TVs, and completing the single-player of COD Black Ops, and falling madly in love with Red Dead Redemption.

This period of writing eloquence isn’t lasting long. Mrs. McKean’s class, bless her heart, can have me write this the moment it comes up in her class, then finish it at home after completing my homework before 7pm. When was the last time I ever finished homework this early? If you’re a Facebook friend and have wanted to know what’s been up and why I’ve possibly been ignoring you, here’s your answer. My blog is slightly back for this evening. I’ll be back in the future. For now, and probably ‘til the end of May, my priorities are set: my Senior Project, my birthday, graduation, summer, ASU or not, and keeping my A’s and B’s where they should be. Even all A’s, like I keep telling myself every year. Mr. Meitin will more than likely make all A’s an impossibility, but if I can make it that far, to get an A in his class… I’ll have more than pride on graduation… I’ll have kicked his weak-teaching ass.

- Ant
-- I didn't proofread. Please don't judge me.