Having a laptop on my... lap..., looping Aaron Neville's "Tell It Like It Is" through Grooveshark with my nude and wet self laying in the bathtub after a shower is, generally-speaking, pretty fucking dangerous. But I'm saving my appetite like a boss for this Thanksgiving dinner, which is making me weak and depressed, so frankly I don't care at the moment.
And anyway, our Thanksgivings are always chaos and yelling, constant yelling, so it's depressing still. That's not my unfed conscience typing; this has happened every Thanksgiving of every year for the majority of my life. But aside that depression I'm having because I haven't eaten anything in hours, I feel like shit. Again. I haven't done what I wanted to do this entire break because we're cleaning a house for a family that isn't even coming over for Thanksgiving in this house. I hardly worked out like I wanted to, I didn't ride my bike around Washington Rd. like I do, I didn't do any of my homework... see, here's me complaining: running down a list of things for me to be unhappy with. I can never run down a list of things I am happy about, not because it's impossible, but because... I'm such an optimist for that? Christ, I dunno.
I'll probably edit this once I had my ass full of turturkeykey (HIMYM-reference to you all), but I feel like running down a list of my own complications. This may just end up as a fraction of that list; I can't name them all, some I don't even know yet. I'm a guy. I have feelings. That isn't good... to alot of you. But for me, it's serious. Does that even make sense?
SELF-EXPECTATIONS
Here's what I want to be when I grow up, Mrs. Kirby. I want to get the fuck out of Georgia (or move to Savannah), live in a beautiful and big loft apartment in the middle of Manhattan, make a living as both a theatre actor (or film actor) on Broadway, and as a video game artist designer for big title video game industries, get married to the most wonderful gal I've met yet never met, and be a peace revolutionary on the side, with marijuana being legal in all states, and make a billion bucks to support myself, my gaming needs, the apartment needs, my life needs, my parent's needs, and a boat plane to fly myself to the most magical lakehouse in Ely, Minnesota whenever, so I can have hangouts with my hippie hipster friends with alot of oldies music. And when I fly back to my loft apartment, I arrive to see my friends share my apartment whenever, and look around, and think, "This is awesome".
It's that easy to list! So why the fuck can't I fucking do it?
America, and me.
[out of bathtub, and in towel in bedroom]
I blame America firstly, of course, but then I blame myself for having such high dreams. Look where I am? I don't have a job, I don't have my permit, I don't know how to do laundry, I don't know how to iron clothes, I don't have a bank account, I don't even know this money terminology. Does 17 seem too young? Yes or no, it's still something I have to overcome! I honestly feel like the laziest person in my generation of my family line! My brother goes to Columbia in NYC, my sister goes to Yale, I play video games and eat Pocky with eggnog on holidays... that sensation of unaccomplishment. It's not that I feel like a failure, it just alludes me alot that I'm not the one being successful.
Surprisingly, I had a great conversation with said brother, whom it seems like I haven't spoken to in years, and for someone who stressed to me so much about religion, and staying focused for an incredible academic future and bright later life... tells me to relax and let things happen. He's my brother, so it may sound different to you, but this surprised me completely inside. My pious and academically epic brother, telling me to let things play out like nothing, or so it feels. As if a part of him clunked out [no Lupus pun intended], and has become... well, laid back. Not like me, but laid back in general? Am I doing the right things to get where I am? Obviously not, but things change with me. Me and my brother are flexible guys, it's in our blood.
I'm only grasping the fact that I'm not realistic. I have such high expectations and hopes for myself, so high, that I would want to show these people what I've become: a known success. My friend who works a sad life here or there, yeah, I want to show this person that I'm better than him somehow. That little itch from my expectations, to prove to someone that I'm living my life accordingly. But how can that happen when I haven't taken initiative? Will I ever?
Will I ever achieve my dreams? Is that even possible anymore? Can I break that barrier, and live the dream my Four Fathers promised me some 217 years ago? Am I thinking too hard on this?
Absolutely.
PESSIMISM OR OPTIMISM? HMM...
I got a bunch of mentally-insane friends. We all do. You may not even know it, but ya do. Yes, they're our friends, we have things in common, we share things, we love them and protect 'em... but they're fucking clinically insane. And it's annoying when they deny they are when I point it out. And I'm (un)lucky to have many of them. What's amazing is that they're good at hiding their insanity. I dunno, I find that amazing. But when I "see" their insanity (which I see quite naturally), I sometimes feel like one of the only humble persons I know. But then why am I so alone? Why do I feel so alone? And I'm not saying that as if I'm a smartass who knows everything and that, but... I honestly don't have much. I got a loving family, I got some things in life to look up to, I got some "normal" friends...
Maybe I'm just not grateful enough.
Most of my mental/mentally stupid friends make up about 80%, I'm guessing. I sometimes wish I could avoid some of these people, but it's hard because, you know, they're your friends. Some surprise me. You may think he/she is an optimistic Bob, but deep down inside, you realize the chaos and sadness they hold inside. And through that chaos, a cycle of life evolves. This insane person helping another insane person, shit happens... it's like a tragically stupid love story. And I sit on the sidelines, and watch it all. I'll feel upset that I'm not involved with anybody or anything like it, but I'd be happy that at least I feel comfortable with myself.
MY IMAGINATION WHOM YOU'VE NEVER MET
I can add "be a filmmaker or animator" to that list of what I want to do with myself. Drawing is a medium to my imagination, but it isn't enough because I'm not that skilled enough to near-accurately portray my ideas on paper. My brain... oh, crap. It may not be a gem like Einstein's or Hitler's (sure he was evil, but smart), but what it lakes in actual intelligence, it makes up for with... well, to you it's probably nothing impressive, but to me... light shooting through walls, LEGO bricks flying all over the place, explosions made of glass, women in lingerie made of rose pedals, there's no way I can actually tell you all, I can't even think right now! It never ends! Moods, music, conversations, anything can shoot up my mind. It can be something different, everytime.
And if you ever saw it in film, I think you'd see it Oscar-worthy. Or you may think it's crap that cost a lot of money. Hell, both. But I want people to see it. I'm aching for a visual mind-reading display machine thing that can visually show people what goes on in my mind, because I would be ecstatic. Not even ecstatic. I would have accomplished something with myself:
I'd be forever happy, to know that someone visually saw what I can imagine for the first time.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE PLAN
Right now, it is 3:59pm on the 28th of November. I think this is the day my grandfather died 2 years ago. Whenever somebody dies, anybody, from anywhere, dies... I ask myself why. Why are people dying alot these days? Why do people we know and care about die, at a young or old age? Are you trying to make me feel unhappy, God? Is this a game where I'm the toy, God? Why do these things that make me feel happy keep vanishing? My grandfather, who was proud to call me his grandson, dies from leukemia? A month after he made a full recovery? My best friend, Suhail, leaves to Texas. We can't have a good Thanksgiving. I miss the best deal on Black Friday. I work with the laziest people in my school radio team. The most beautiful and most perfect girl I've ever known, whom matches on everything for the first time anywhere, is too far away, literally and mentally. I want to go to SCAD because it's as perfect as this girl, but it costs too much money.
Everything that I want, I can't have. Is this a pattern for something? For something big? For something better or worse? Am I the problem or solution? Whenever this issue comes to me, I think of the Rolling Stone's "You Can't Always Get What You Want". How do I know if this is what I want or need? How do I know if this is a part of the plan?
I'm not pious, and I dunno how I encorporate this to religion, but I believe in the plan. Not a God, a plan. A key to the rest of your life. I'm only young, so maybe the plan is unfolding as I type this, and my future is laid out to me like paper. When I think of this, I see a chart diagram. The first box, at the top, is my current state. And from that box, it expands wildly to different boxes, different outcomes. And from that outcome, another outcome, etc... until it maybe stops. Or it may never stop. For me, it stops to that American dream I mentioned. But when, or if, I get to that point where I say "I'm satisfied with my life.", I can't close the book I have to go on with myself, and see if this plan continues, to where it may all fall apart in the end, and I have to start over? I dunno.
It's better not to know, too.
Let things happen, let this happen, let me wake up on weekdays to my routine from 6:15 in the morning, to 12:30 midnight. It's a routine, but it could be a part of the plan. The thing about the plan is that you can't think about it. Just let things flow. I wanted to be a computer engineer years back. Now I want to be a video game artist. And I feel right in this world to think that, to think that I can make a living doing art for something I love. But it's bound to change, maybe.
To something better? I will never know.
...
What is wrong with me, I'll probably never know for the sake of my life. But I guess that makes me a part with everybody else.
- Ant
Nov 28, 2010
Nov 22, 2010
Nov 21, 2010
Something serious... (CONT: In the middle of Java...)
Jesus, I'm gonna get shot in the foot someday for putting off my homework for some Grand Theft Auto IV right after school. I'm not even kidding; I'll probably end up as a poor and hopeless immigrant who has to work his way up with a gun.
Anyway, I don't fully remember what I wrote about yesterday, and I'm too lazy to go back and check. It's Thanksgiving break, I'll be too worried about bulking up and officially starting "Operation Grow-A-Fucking-Beard-Already-You're-Seventeen (GAFBAYS), and complete those two for Black Friday, where I'll hopefully buy my Killzone 2 and the God of War Collection for my Playstation 3 for the price of a Hamilton.
It's one of those phases where it's like I want to write like Shakespeare one moment, then laze around like a skinny, white asian boy with no energy or motivation. It's what makes us human, yes...
But I hate phases in life. I mean, if it weren't for phases, we'd probably be dead, but... I think I'm applying "phases" to more basic issues. And by basic, I mean relationships and egos... being a fucking teenager. Here we go with my ranting...
11/21- Actually, no, no ranting... finishing this up now, I think I'll just get to my point: I want something serious. A serious friendship, a serious relationship... and that's really about it. Everything else is chill.
WOW, good job getting your point across...
- Ant
Anyway, I don't fully remember what I wrote about yesterday, and I'm too lazy to go back and check. It's Thanksgiving break, I'll be too worried about bulking up and officially starting "Operation Grow-A-Fucking-Beard-Already-You're-Seventeen (GAFBAYS), and complete those two for Black Friday, where I'll hopefully buy my Killzone 2 and the God of War Collection for my Playstation 3 for the price of a Hamilton.
It's one of those phases where it's like I want to write like Shakespeare one moment, then laze around like a skinny, white asian boy with no energy or motivation. It's what makes us human, yes...
But I hate phases in life. I mean, if it weren't for phases, we'd probably be dead, but... I think I'm applying "phases" to more basic issues. And by basic, I mean relationships and egos... being a fucking teenager. Here we go with my ranting...
11/21- Actually, no, no ranting... finishing this up now, I think I'll just get to my point: I want something serious. A serious friendship, a serious relationship... and that's really about it. Everything else is chill.
WOW, good job getting your point across...
- Ant
Small world, you bastards...
- "Brian Wilson Presents SMiLE"
- Applying for college scholarships
- Blogging
- Questioning women
- Why are almost all my friends mental cases?
I don't know why I'm posting what I'm doing and thinking on this, maybe it's an attempt for a... better... post. I honestly don't know what to write, or what to think, since I'm busy with SMiLE and scholarship crap. But at the same time, my mind is rushing with ideas and questions. Questions nobody can ever know how to answer because just about everybody doesn't know a dime about me.
Alright, I'm listening to SMiLE, 07) "Wonderful" through 10) "Surf's Up", I have in my head, the most incredible visualization of how this music, this album, can be played out in a film, and I mean a full-length feature film... about someone whom nobody understands, and has a beautiful mind and imagination... I wish I could say it was about me, but that'd be lying to myself... and I visualize it anyway everytime I hear it when I am outside. It's very beautiful. This album is very beautiful.
I can relate to Brian Wilson completely, at times. He had this incredible idea for an album in the 60s, but his group The Beach Boys didn't approve, and thought it was too fucked over tenfold to do, so they called it "Smile"... and it was okay, don't getme wrong... but that was it. Okay.
It wasn't a "Sgt. Pepper" killer. Not just that, it instead killed the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson left, got into a mental breakdown... then made "SMiLE".
"SMiLE", the "Smile" he wanted... and the "Sgt. Pepper" killer we've been waiting for to see if it was ever possible. Sure, Rolling Stones Magazine didn't say it, but I am: "Brian Wilson Presents SMiLE" is the epitome of musical art, to me.
Now, I forgot, how does this guy relate to me? I got as many brilliant ideas, I'm sure we all do, yes, but we ourselves are the obstacles. After that statement, it is a fine line: those who can break that obstacle, like Brian did, or enclose themselves with these ideas and nobody will ever know about your genius. Making a blog for myself is a step-up, you have no idea. That was my obstacle: being heard, and being heard well and by at least a few people if possible.
And now I forgot why I called this post "Small world, thanks to you bastards" (UPDATE). I'm not yelling at anybody, but I'm still yelling at everybody. Everybody narrow, everybody boring, shitfaced, EVERYBODY-WHO-HAS-SOMETHING-TO-SAY:
Wake up!
- Ant
- Applying for college scholarships
- Blogging
- Questioning women
- Why are almost all my friends mental cases?
I don't know why I'm posting what I'm doing and thinking on this, maybe it's an attempt for a... better... post. I honestly don't know what to write, or what to think, since I'm busy with SMiLE and scholarship crap. But at the same time, my mind is rushing with ideas and questions. Questions nobody can ever know how to answer because just about everybody doesn't know a dime about me.
Alright, I'm listening to SMiLE, 07) "Wonderful" through 10) "Surf's Up", I have in my head, the most incredible visualization of how this music, this album, can be played out in a film, and I mean a full-length feature film... about someone whom nobody understands, and has a beautiful mind and imagination... I wish I could say it was about me, but that'd be lying to myself... and I visualize it anyway everytime I hear it when I am outside. It's very beautiful. This album is very beautiful.
I can relate to Brian Wilson completely, at times. He had this incredible idea for an album in the 60s, but his group The Beach Boys didn't approve, and thought it was too fucked over tenfold to do, so they called it "Smile"... and it was okay, don't getme wrong... but that was it. Okay.
It wasn't a "Sgt. Pepper" killer. Not just that, it instead killed the Beach Boys. Brian Wilson left, got into a mental breakdown... then made "SMiLE".
"SMiLE", the "Smile" he wanted... and the "Sgt. Pepper" killer we've been waiting for to see if it was ever possible. Sure, Rolling Stones Magazine didn't say it, but I am: "Brian Wilson Presents SMiLE" is the epitome of musical art, to me.
Now, I forgot, how does this guy relate to me? I got as many brilliant ideas, I'm sure we all do, yes, but we ourselves are the obstacles. After that statement, it is a fine line: those who can break that obstacle, like Brian did, or enclose themselves with these ideas and nobody will ever know about your genius. Making a blog for myself is a step-up, you have no idea. That was my obstacle: being heard, and being heard well and by at least a few people if possible.
And now I forgot why I called this post "Small world, thanks to you bastards" (UPDATE). I'm not yelling at anybody, but I'm still yelling at everybody. Everybody narrow, everybody boring, shitfaced, EVERYBODY-WHO-HAS-SOMETHING-TO-SAY:
Wake up!
- Ant
Nov 17, 2010
In the middle of Java...
I think I'm more than aware about maybe the slightest number of people actually look at my blog. I don't care. If I wanna make an incredibly heavy and deep blogpost, and nobody reads it, I could care less. It's not about those who read it. It's mostly about me surviving by writing.
I'm a terrible writer. And me saying this is probably one of those personal instincts we all have (beautiful girls who think they're ugly, innocents who think they're failures, politicians who think they're right), but I admit I have coherences issues with my own posts; I want to have my posts make sense, even if it makes the basic point, anyway... see, right now, I'm thinking if that sentence has anything to do with anything.
I talk to a lot of people about putting thoughts into words. I'm surprised almost constantly how many of my friends have Bloggers or Tumblrs, even my own teachers. It's absolutely surprising, how someone who's so dull or so ecstatic, can have a deep statement made on a Tumblr page. Story of my life, maybe? I dunno.
Crap, I need to do this Java program. Yeah, I somehow make myself get into trouble with posting on Blogger in the middle of class, what with Mr. Shouse, and Mr. Riddick, maybe... but I can make an exception for someone like Mrs. Mckean. She deserves my work.
My motto: respect people that deserve it.
I'll recontinue this post eventually.
- Ant
I'm a terrible writer. And me saying this is probably one of those personal instincts we all have (beautiful girls who think they're ugly, innocents who think they're failures, politicians who think they're right), but I admit I have coherences issues with my own posts; I want to have my posts make sense, even if it makes the basic point, anyway... see, right now, I'm thinking if that sentence has anything to do with anything.
I talk to a lot of people about putting thoughts into words. I'm surprised almost constantly how many of my friends have Bloggers or Tumblrs, even my own teachers. It's absolutely surprising, how someone who's so dull or so ecstatic, can have a deep statement made on a Tumblr page. Story of my life, maybe? I dunno.
Crap, I need to do this Java program. Yeah, I somehow make myself get into trouble with posting on Blogger in the middle of class, what with Mr. Shouse, and Mr. Riddick, maybe... but I can make an exception for someone like Mrs. Mckean. She deserves my work.
My motto: respect people that deserve it.
I'll recontinue this post eventually.
- Ant
Nov 14, 2010
Nov 13, 2010
Nov 10, 2010
Nov 8, 2010
Nov 7, 2010
Moral and Creation
Over the 17 years of my life, there are just about two things that matter more than anything on this unhealthy and unholy earth, that make the difference to just about anything for surviving just about everything :
Money, and control
These two things are the very root to our failure as a humanity, and if you don't see a failure, then you obviously cannot see the big picture pretty well. What's more intimidating is that when these two words are actually not equaled together, you can incorporate money with a good ability of control. And how you can handle this ability of control, I've thought up through my own two things that make my world work for myself:
Moral, and creation
Both of these things have gotten me far in life, because it overall concurs with what makes me a better person. Moral, because a healthy conscience and morality makes the person, as does personality, so basically:
"morality = personality = character = survival"
Next to morality, another thing that can make someone is his/her ability to create; if you can't find the solution around you or through you, make it. This spurs the imagination, and imagination is another key to survival: making a life of your own; uniqueness. Incorporating that creation with morality, I think I'm in a good spot so far.
And thinking about all this now, having morality and creation can really make the difference this year so far. These past few months, things have really gone ape-shit with people in my school. And when I say 'ape-shit', I don't mean it to be a bad and evil thing, but a thoughtless paradox that nobody can get through, especially the autumn of 2010 so far.
Alot of my friends, in high school, most of them not even on their last year of high school, are getting married, getting prego, even considering getting implants. The start of October, engagement; just last night, engagement; in a few weeks, someone I hardly know is gonna be a father, at the age of 17; his little brothers, uncles; high schoolers, Seniors, just some 5 months of graduating and getting a high school diploma, and dropping out; rats and hypocrites every next day, over and over... if you know who you are in this post, then disregard this post, and understand that it is not I that is angry at you... but it is I who is completely confused, because all I can think to myself is whether ev-ry-bo-dy is going insane!
I mean, yeah, it's fucking high school, but still, is there no self-respect? Anymore? Anywhere at anytime at anyplace? There is almost no moral, when all that seems to matter is commercialism and propaganda. And the worst part? Oh yeah, the worst part: as far as it seems, we're not learning! Years of evolution and revolution, and here we are, still pathetic, still unprofessional, still lustful, and still angry.
Not just high school, dammit, but everywhere I look! The television, Exhibit A, going outside in the city, Exhibit B, and quite possibly, you, Exhibit C. Where's the fucking conscience! Will there ever be moral anymore? Can I sit here, and look around me, and see any good anymore? It's suicidal, at times, but what other option can I conjure? Fighting won't get you anywhere, because probably nobody will listen. And those who want to listen will make a cult, clique, and its people like me that meet with these cults either on terrible blogs like this one, or we just keep it in our heads for no one to fully understand... or beatniks and hipsters at Starbucks, who knows.
Nobody wants to hear what you have to say, because we probably got more important things to do, and what you say doesn't matter anyway because it won't make a difference to anyone anytime soon. And because of that, there is that itch within people like me to just roll with the punch, somewhat give up, give in, give down, and probably end up in the majority without knowing it. But then it'd be another statistic, the zombie statistic.
I can't express my inner thoughts to many people because they probably get it out of context and won't understand, and I don't talk to many people about my thoughts on my blog, because I'll just get laughed at for not having a life. I'm surprised I've made it this far without putting a watergun to my nostril. Now, am I calling myself smart? No. Am I calling myself alot better than you, the reader? Absolutely not; I'm keeping my morality. But am I telling you what you may or may not see? I'm sure attempting it, because someone has to, and someone has to know and listen.
You know that saying, "you can't have a good without a bad"? It can't be reversed to say "You can't have a bad without a good." Reverse the statement, and you'll just end up having the bad overpower the good with whatever power the bad has. That's as simple as I can make it. You can't have a good without a bad, then you'll just have a bad.
The good will go bad, because those two things I've noticed... money and control... however much denial you're gonna make, those two things will eventually take over, either temporarily or completely, and it'll be another statistic. This bad is everywhere, and its most common terms are now "greed" and "corruption"... "money" and "control"... and they are unavoidable wherever you turn, and the amateur and narrow will eventually succumb to it, until it becomes too much that you either die, die on the inside, or go to a rehab of some sort, somewhere.
Another thing to consider: those few who have managed to overcome all that I have posted, and have lived a good life for themselves and others... will too be brought down by the majority group: everyone else, at some point in your lives. Our world has somehow become those two political terms: the majority and minority. The majority: everyone else, and the minority, not everyone else. These few, the minority, like the cults, will more than likely live isolated; work, eat, sleep, and probably be isolated.
Here's my message to those who know are a part of the majority: you're not convincing anyone. Don't toy with people like me to think it could work. I think I know the most of the truth, and either way, I'll just sit or stand here, and laugh, knowing who is the more lost or overly-pathetic. FIND your morality, balance it, and spread it like fire; if you want to make the difference, CREATE that difference.
- Ant
Money, and control
These two things are the very root to our failure as a humanity, and if you don't see a failure, then you obviously cannot see the big picture pretty well. What's more intimidating is that when these two words are actually not equaled together, you can incorporate money with a good ability of control. And how you can handle this ability of control, I've thought up through my own two things that make my world work for myself:
Moral, and creation
Both of these things have gotten me far in life, because it overall concurs with what makes me a better person. Moral, because a healthy conscience and morality makes the person, as does personality, so basically:
"morality = personality = character = survival"
Next to morality, another thing that can make someone is his/her ability to create; if you can't find the solution around you or through you, make it. This spurs the imagination, and imagination is another key to survival: making a life of your own; uniqueness. Incorporating that creation with morality, I think I'm in a good spot so far.
And thinking about all this now, having morality and creation can really make the difference this year so far. These past few months, things have really gone ape-shit with people in my school. And when I say 'ape-shit', I don't mean it to be a bad and evil thing, but a thoughtless paradox that nobody can get through, especially the autumn of 2010 so far.
Alot of my friends, in high school, most of them not even on their last year of high school, are getting married, getting prego, even considering getting implants. The start of October, engagement; just last night, engagement; in a few weeks, someone I hardly know is gonna be a father, at the age of 17; his little brothers, uncles; high schoolers, Seniors, just some 5 months of graduating and getting a high school diploma, and dropping out; rats and hypocrites every next day, over and over... if you know who you are in this post, then disregard this post, and understand that it is not I that is angry at you... but it is I who is completely confused, because all I can think to myself is whether ev-ry-bo-dy is going insane!
I mean, yeah, it's fucking high school, but still, is there no self-respect? Anymore? Anywhere at anytime at anyplace? There is almost no moral, when all that seems to matter is commercialism and propaganda. And the worst part? Oh yeah, the worst part: as far as it seems, we're not learning! Years of evolution and revolution, and here we are, still pathetic, still unprofessional, still lustful, and still angry.
Not just high school, dammit, but everywhere I look! The television, Exhibit A, going outside in the city, Exhibit B, and quite possibly, you, Exhibit C. Where's the fucking conscience! Will there ever be moral anymore? Can I sit here, and look around me, and see any good anymore? It's suicidal, at times, but what other option can I conjure? Fighting won't get you anywhere, because probably nobody will listen. And those who want to listen will make a cult, clique, and its people like me that meet with these cults either on terrible blogs like this one, or we just keep it in our heads for no one to fully understand... or beatniks and hipsters at Starbucks, who knows.
Nobody wants to hear what you have to say, because we probably got more important things to do, and what you say doesn't matter anyway because it won't make a difference to anyone anytime soon. And because of that, there is that itch within people like me to just roll with the punch, somewhat give up, give in, give down, and probably end up in the majority without knowing it. But then it'd be another statistic, the zombie statistic.
I can't express my inner thoughts to many people because they probably get it out of context and won't understand, and I don't talk to many people about my thoughts on my blog, because I'll just get laughed at for not having a life. I'm surprised I've made it this far without putting a watergun to my nostril. Now, am I calling myself smart? No. Am I calling myself alot better than you, the reader? Absolutely not; I'm keeping my morality. But am I telling you what you may or may not see? I'm sure attempting it, because someone has to, and someone has to know and listen.
You know that saying, "you can't have a good without a bad"? It can't be reversed to say "You can't have a bad without a good." Reverse the statement, and you'll just end up having the bad overpower the good with whatever power the bad has. That's as simple as I can make it. You can't have a good without a bad, then you'll just have a bad.
The good will go bad, because those two things I've noticed... money and control... however much denial you're gonna make, those two things will eventually take over, either temporarily or completely, and it'll be another statistic. This bad is everywhere, and its most common terms are now "greed" and "corruption"... "money" and "control"... and they are unavoidable wherever you turn, and the amateur and narrow will eventually succumb to it, until it becomes too much that you either die, die on the inside, or go to a rehab of some sort, somewhere.
Another thing to consider: those few who have managed to overcome all that I have posted, and have lived a good life for themselves and others... will too be brought down by the majority group: everyone else, at some point in your lives. Our world has somehow become those two political terms: the majority and minority. The majority: everyone else, and the minority, not everyone else. These few, the minority, like the cults, will more than likely live isolated; work, eat, sleep, and probably be isolated.
Here's my message to those who know are a part of the majority: you're not convincing anyone. Don't toy with people like me to think it could work. I think I know the most of the truth, and either way, I'll just sit or stand here, and laugh, knowing who is the more lost or overly-pathetic. FIND your morality, balance it, and spread it like fire; if you want to make the difference, CREATE that difference.
- Ant
Nov 3, 2010
Nov 1, 2010
UPDATE:... in picture
OCTOBER
- ... what else is new?
- Finally gave into buying Grand Theft Auto IV
- I rock at Uncharted 2 multiplayer
- The 4th period Lakeside Theatre people win 4th place at One Acts
- Seeing as how I'm looked upon as the Altoid guy... I think it's my turn to have a little fun, with abit of deception... even though I uploaded this on Facebook and everyone knows about it (but hey, it's staying in my right cheek pocket, so I still win).
- Not shaving for all of November... hmm... by the start of December, it'd be back to square-one, if you know what I mean...
- Ant
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