Going Through The Motions 'Til 3 (#1-10)

000) I finished watching the Late Late Show w/ Craig, but I felt like staying up abit longer, rather than just going to bed right after. As I would, I got on Facebook, and saw hardly anybody online. A wonderful friend of mine, Samantha Weeks was online, and we chatted it up for a small time... before I felt like typing up a bunch of Facebook status updates. And for some reason, it felt right to number them. What would eventually happen is alot of freeing thoughts, alot of Likes, an uncalled-for arguemment, and a great overnight that saved me in a small way.

Since that night, I'm not stopping, and I'm hoping to get to 100, but I doubt it. Enjoy this post or not, here is my evening.

1) Today, I was watching Jerry Springer. Like any episode, it felt nice sitting from the sidelines and watching the show... but instead of wanting a gal to watch it with, I wanted... a baby. A baby that can put on my Lennon shades, and I drink my ginger ale, and I tell him, "I swear to God, you better not get fat like these people, because I can't help you." And he gets his bottle, and we click our glasses. Like men.

2) It'll be a week before New Years Eve, and you know what's on my mind, Facebook? My life couldn't absolutely be more pristine. Looking back now, being rezoned to Lakeside was probably the best thing to have ever happened to me. (Take that, Mac the Panther) The Rolling Stones, American Beauty, alot went down, and it took me where I wanted to go: self-awareness and complete great living. (Take that, Dr. Phil)

3) A quote I will hold on to for the rest of my life, for it has done alot to my future, and has taken me to an adventure (and heartbreak) of a time. Whatever I want, some thing will come along and maybe alter that want, or change everything, maybe forever. And that's a lesson in life some people will grasp, and some people that will... not:

Shit happens.

4) It's a quarter 'til 3am, and I wish Samantha Weeks would stop Liking my posts. I'm not a coolio guy, so stop, please.

5) When I have the time (and car, and license, and motivation, and energy), I want to go to the bowling alley and tell the shoeboy to go fuck himself and slide on the floors and get kicked out. But DAMNIT, would that be worth it! :D

6) I sometimes have that urge to ride my bike at this time, when it isn't so damn cold, and listen to some oldies music like I like to do. But of course, I got parents. And of COURSE, I myself got priorities that I unfortunately cannot ignore... I'm such a loser...

7) It's not even 3am yet. Seriously, you guys, 7 NOTIFICATIONS! Go to bed, already! I'm busy wasting my time!

8) I'm trying to take a picture of me and my cat infront of the monitor to point out how fat he is, and say "8) Holy crap, why are you so fat." But my crappy camera is a battery slut, and now I'm writing this status instead. See? Shit happens.

9) That wasn't even 3 minutes, and 9 Notifications now?!? It JUST became 3am!

10) I'm out of stuff to say. It's past 3am, so that explains it. Be kind to one another, sleep well, dream well, live well, love well, and Rockwell. I don't know what Rockwell is, it just sounds cool.

- Ant

P.S-

11) One more, because this came to my mind just now: ... v-necks. I have alot of white shirts, but I don't know if they can be considered v-necks... but I would feel more comfortable with my skinny-ass body if I had me some good ones. Cheers.

Jerry Springer is on, yet I blog it out...

- Last night, the total winter solstice took place above our house. But it was too cold outside, I was warm inside my house, and people kept getting me into cop shoot-outs in Free Mode from Grand Theft Auto IV online. I missed a winter solstice over 300 years in the making, because I was too lazy and I was playing video games. This should, without a doubt, tell you alot about me.

- I want a girlfriend, but I fear I wouldn't be a good enough boyfriend. But I don't have any experience, so I can't judge that well-enough. But I feel in my heart I would be, if I found the right girlfriend. But then there's the struggle. Something where both parties can feel right with each other. Then there's me, where I can't trust myself with a long-term relationship if it is a good one that can last. If I know it doesn't last, then that's really why I don't do it. And that's really why I haven't been in one in ever. If there's nothing that can keep it going, then don't go in the first place... so it seems to me. Substance. If I can find that in her, I'm home. If she can find that in me, then I'm in heaven.

- Ooh, Jerry Springer is on. Ah, a show, reality or not, where I feel like a man, and not a guy. A guy too stupid or amateur to get on live television to solve my problems. But a man, who sees it from the sidelines, and knows where his life is at and is going. It feels good, ya know.

Ouch... well, she's not wearing a wig, at least.

- I need a webcam. My life would probably be infinitely more connected if I had one. Oh, well.

- Ant

2, 3, and 4 in the A.M.

2:33am

Does anyone ever read this crap? I wonder.

I honestly don't know what to write. I mean, it's 2:33 in the school morning. I took my one exam (thank God for Senior privileges, or lack there of) already-

Oh look! Brian Whitfield is on AIM/Facebook right now! And he IMed me! And he tells me he honestly has absolutely no idea where my God of War is. The game he's been borrowing from me for almost 3 years, now. Little jerk... yeah, he's a college student, but he's still little to me. That's how far we go.

I never had lifelong friends. Dad being in the military, we've stayed in one spot after another for about 3-4 years each; 4 years in Puerto Rico, 3 years in Texas, and us here in Georgia the longest, at about 6 years. I think this one is for good. I hope. Jesus...

    "dude! you and me should totallly go see tron together"

Sounds like a plan. I mean, I was about to write a meaningless blog entry, but God decided to let things go my way for abit and have an old friend IM me. Alright. Seeing as how we haven't hanged in years, my dad admires the guy (I think), and hey, fucking day off, why not?

This month has been interesting. That's really all I can say; I'm having a conversation, I'm listening to "Brian Wilson Presents SMiLE" all over again... yeah, I can't really think right now.

15 minutes later...

Daft Punk, and suits to see Harry Potter.

Yeah, I hope tomorrow is a good day. If not... at least it was a day. Good morning.

- Ant

It's The Holidays

If you’ve ever read this blog, you should know that I’m not religious. At all. Because like politics, I’ll still be wrong. I choose Christianity, I’m wrong. I choose Judaism, I’m wrong. I choose Islam, I’m wrong... but I still want to show my respect for calling Christmas “Christmas”. And I’m such a grammar perfectionist, that it doesn’t matter, anyway.

I’m getting older. I’m almost 18. I got a feeling this has to do with my more humble, not even humble, feelings for what I want for Christmas this year. I mean, last year was an exception, as being a natural gamer, all I wanted was a Playstation 3, and I’m set for life. And I got it. And I am set. So... now what?

Maybe LittleBigPlanet PSP, or Gran Turismo 5? A mic for my online involvement on the Playstation Network? Meh, Gran Turismo 5 would be nice. But it’s nothing of importance. I mean, these are just things. It’d be nice, but I’d still have to focus on other more important things.

This Christmas break has me working on my Senior Project, bulking up, getting a few things that I actually need... that’s just about it. Maybe I’m getting more lazy and boring than ever, or maybe I’m learning to live with myself? ...

I feel as we grow older, we better differentiate our needs and wants, to what is necessarily possible, and what is either possible or impossible:

NEEDS

- Eggnog.

- Apply to colleges.

- Update accounts online.

- A job.

- Either a better mattress, or move to the guestroom bed, where softness and dusty cockroaches await me.

- Finish this Senior Project.

- Bulk up.

- Better organization for my return second semester, and future events and life.

- This marijuana legalization support wristband from up in Canada.

- College money.

- A good camera (Sony Cybershot camera, preferred)

- Sleep, and someone to rest with on this bed with.

- Reach level 53 on Uncharted 2 multiplayer.

- Better clothes.

- Time to relax and write on my blog more efficiently.

WANTS

- Eggnog

- Sony Cybershot camera

- GT5

- Joe Danger from the PSN

- LBP for PSP

- The *new* Sony Ericcson Z1 PSP/phone hybrid thing that won’t lose rumor heat anytime soon.

- Sleep, and someone to rest on this bed with.

Some of the needs on the list are not really possible (yet), but that’s me, and that’s a different story. And as for the wants, it’s just material. Not the last one, I don’t necessarily want a material girl on my bed, but that’s also a different story, too. So... what do I want for Christmas this year, realistically and money-wise?

I can single a lot of the wants out, not because of realism or money, but attention of interest.

...

Meh... getting the wristband would be a big plus for me.

We better differentiate our needs and wants, from where you’re the infant who will take whatever your hands can get to,‘til you become my dad, where you just don’t want to spend any money at all and you loathe hearing a word having to do with the holidays except a bonus from government field he works at. A bonus he won’t get because of politics. Poor guy.

I honestly just don’t know, and more so don’t care. I’m satisfied with what I got. I feel that’s more important. Appreciate what I got. I got friends, family, wifi, eggnog, my wisdom teeth out, and most of all, I have my conscience to make myself a better person (good luck to me).

Ya know, for 17, I’ve really grown up, give or take.

- Ant

Wisdom from the teeth operation.

"I swear, as soon as you left, the students (students!) went ape-serious on me. With an oxygen tank starring infront of me, I had sign papers saying I confirm I have/don't have a list of issues like asthma or HBP or any of that.

Then I got my blood drawn, which surprisingly didn't have me pass out. Then there was a mat over me. THEN they attached a needle that would relax me, for the sacrifice of feeling the most awful sensation on my crotch. Then another needle attachment for fluid. Then I saw got those small pulse tracking pad things on my chest and stomach, had my blood pressure taken every 5 minutes... I was scared ****less.

"My blood pressure kept going from 70 to 99. I was so freaking nervous, it's not even funny. They got the the sleeping drug on me, which didn't fully work. I was almost sleepy, I had my imagination and dreams flowing around me while they put maybe 5-10 shots of anesthetic in my mouth.

And I remember about 4 people at my face, heard a faint of words from them, and the thing that I remember is "Ow."-"Yeah, see. It's alright."- "... yeah... my balls hurt.", and the students laughed their butt off. And I could somewhat feel the pulling of the teeth, "Alright, it's out." And I remember drowsily saying "Got it?", and someone saying "Got one. Almost done here." and "Almost done" constantly as I kept drowsing away.

Eventually I woke up, not feeling a hint of pain, but my lip full of anesthetic. And it still is. And constatnly asking what time it was, even when I kept looking at the clock to my right. And my legs felt like they road around the neighborhood on the bike, like I usually do on a Friday afternoon. And I was still drowsy, up until we got home."

- Facebook message to my dad

What a difference one night can make. These stitches are annoying me, my back gum areas are in razor pain, the prescribed aspirin doesn't help, I can hardly talk, and this pudding is delicious.

- Ant

This... is me.

- Ant