It seems I'm getting back to my Blog at the wrong time. I got Senior Project shit to complete, and I got the life I used to know, as it seems. But this Blog post is on exactly that, if you can notice.
SENIOR YEAR
... my head is only thinking about Senior Prj... and it's interesting, because, despite what every former-Senior I know has stressed over their year... the Senior Project really isn't so hard (so far). Just need a load of time. And I mean it. That's honestly all you need. Because these guys are expecting you to do this entire year-long research project... as well as carry on the class status of a Senior. And even if you tossed out the Senior Project, this school year... is really terrible to alot of us.
If you are reading this, and I'll assume it's a Panther, we're more than aware that almost one-by-one a student from our school is disappearing. As far as I'm aware (for the school), it began with Nick Hartfield, then it continued with the passing of Chad Williams, then this week with Vergil King.
Now, I don't know these people, and for the majority of my schooling, I never personally knew any of the students that have died throughout the school career that I've gone through. But what I can relate to, in a small way, is the disappearance of people, as in going to another school or state. This I know all too well, and it has really ruined my Senior year.
Most of the people I can mention who have actually gone to another school or state or whichever, or graduated, makes me feel smaller in a big place. Not weaker. Smaller. More alone, despite those I still have. The closest of friends I have/have had, especially since this is the longest time I've been in one school or one state (my dad's in the Army; I've never had life-long friends), it's as if God is picking them off one-by-one and sending them somewhere else. Facebook doesn't cut it.
Fortunately, I have met some more newer people, as well. Brandt, Jessica, Lindsey, these chaps I hang out with in a tranquil location behind the band room during lunch, have made it infinitely more bearable to be constantely reminded by myself that others are not here with me. Not to leave out Suhail Ziadeh; he and his clan, as well, have made this year alot more enjoyable. And this clan specifically made it alot more fun to budge against our new administration that is annoyingly limiting our options of having a good year here at Lakeside. I've never been more happier to wear a more extreme peace armband. I'm putting my own little revolution once more, even if it means doing it by myself...
And then there are those that have not left, but I am slowly. It's coming to an understanding that this year is all about me, me getting my hands on the diploma, me concluding a second life, all the while putting the life I enjoy on the side of the plate. Regardless of whoever are in my life this year, whoever I'll more than likely visit during college breaks, whoever I'll more than likely share my life with throughout the years... it's about me this time. And if they can't seem to comprehend that, or I can't comprehend with them, I'll slip away. Sure, I got a Facebook to do some chats or Wall posts here or there... but personally... meh, not as much as it used to be. I'm sorry if this sounds abit harsh, I'm probably not explaining it right... but it's something you're noticing. You don't see me hanging around the Yu-Gi-Oh table in the mornings that much anymore, and then some.
... as I always am, though, I'm just glad I'm not involved with a gal in this school... oh, but this is something I gotta talk about individually.
WOMEN
I'm procrastinating my note cards like hell right now, and there isn't much of a guessing game or essay to do over for this topic, so I'll make an ol' list with no coherence to anything.
- 80-90% of the girls here are preps. No.
- Those with the right personalities are either taken, too hard to get, have one too many annoying flaws, or something to just unappeal to me.
- Too busy to focus.
- I'm going to graduate, so what's the point right now? I'm leaving Augusta, and long-distance is a very testy idea to comprehend.
- I'm just so awesome at being single. I can have fun with girls around me, and not have a sort of moral conduct within myself.
- I'm in for a real and lengthy relationship when it's there and possible.
- Is it really that impossible to find a girl gamer? An attractive, and not taken, girl gamer? XD
- Does it involve money and attention more than just pure love now-a-days? If money and attention were women, we got a bunch of whores in our school.
- Being in a relationship, and still being able to be yourself?
- If you knew how many girls here are so easy...
But the one obvious note to take here, as secondly pointed out by Brandt,
- I'm a metaphorical slut. I have a very short attention-span for most of the girls I have taken an interest in. It's mostly because I never made a move, or I know I don't have a shot, etc... but taking in a different attraction and interest almost every one to two weeks... yeah, I am a slut.
Now, notice, I said "for most of the girls..." Notice that, because despite all the years I spent here in Georgia, there are some few who have never left my interest despite my slutness. And knowing more and more about them each time I can makes it more and more permanant. I guess it has to do with that, maybe; if she/he is more like you than you know, she/he 'll probably never leave your mind. Ever. However far and wide the distance is, you're still genuinely interested.
... wow, that is the most accurate description of what I've been trying to say over the years.
- Ant
What's a senior project? Lol
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