On beauty.

If there's one thing school has not taught me, and will probably ever "teach" anyone anytime, anywhere... it's American Beauty. Yes, I'm aware I've talked about this movie too many times on this Blog... but at the same time, I'm also aware you hardly ever look at my Blog in the first place, so we're even. The movie is a work of filmographic artwork, an important masterpiece of film... and it has nothing to do with the camera angles, the music, Kevin Spacey, and the symbolism (though they are all as incredible, especially the symbolism). It's the inner meaning of life. How life is a bitch when its in a cage, and you just don't have that umph to get out the cage, even though that cage has the key in the lock...

Until all you see and need is the motivation: A lover. Or a bitch of a lover. A unique young adult who smokes pot and has an eye for the visually-striking. The positive, or the negative. The thing that drives you, or the thing that drives you insane.

This movie was my motivation. That living the predictable isn't the way you'll live a "good life". That aiming high, beyond your dreams is a daunting task that'll require your patience and indifference. That we preconceive our ideas about things in life, without seeing the truth. And that truth would turn out to be something we never expected or considered for a moment.

And discovering the Rolling Stones through "Shine A Light". Yeah, that too.

I've mentioned this on a recent Blog entry, but during the start of the climax of my schooling (the end of middle school, the start of high school), my life was crap. I didn't know what to live for, not because I was emo, but.. what did I have to live for? I didn't understand what was right or wrong, what was acceptable and unacceptable to who, or who I wanted or needed to follow in the first place. And alot of these contributed to a narrow and bland life. It's my Senior year in high school now, and now people tell me that I'm an attention-whore for wearing Lennon shades, or shades in general, indoors; for wearing a peace armband that somehow represents a swastika; for attaching a box of mint/cinnamon Altoids on the strap of my one-strap bookbag; for wearing a suit at the start of the second semester; for having all my wrist crap on my wrist... it's high school. But I still tell them, and I still observe, "It's just me being me." And I genuinely enjoy life. I at least enjoy life at its most.

You can find beauty in all the wrong places, all the most random places. A sunset is a good example. A still lake? Two birds chasing each other for over two hours in the same part of the neighborhood? A damaged and abandoned room? Red roses? The blue sky that I can see for miles? Driving alone on the naked road? Almost all of this is naturalism, yes, but nevertheless, you need the eye for it. It's just the matter of letting go.

This may seem abit harsh, but (aside aspects you can't change at all; ex. cancer) I smile and laugh at people on the inside for being boring. Not just boring, but at the same time, being so full of shit (ex. 6yr olds playing COD multiplayer with the "heart" of a high rank, Justin Beiber). Not just that, I try to avoid it all together. Most of my friends aren't boring, and those that are boring have that charming charismatic tone that makes it entertaining to live. The people, even friends, I avoid, I try not to stress so much, but at the same time, it gets annoying having to deal with their problems over and over almost every weekday.

In the end, sometimes life is so fast and hectic, and filled with distractions, and sometimes you have to teach yourself to be still and be quiet and allow yourself to look for beauty. That's all I can teach you from what I've learned. And when you have the eye for it... oh, boy.

- Ant