A new post.

Good evening, it is 10:14pm on April the 6th.

Right now, my mind is at a complete blank on what to write on this new post. I have not written on my blog for maybe two months, though it feels like years. I feel scripted, thin. I feel wired, into a system. I finished my Senior Project completely almost a month ago. My presentation, the final stage, was a major success, despite a rough practice presentation. I felt confident, memorized, excellent. But it was over. I come home from the evening, no homework, no troubles... yet the work put into it, and the work outside it, haunted me. It still haunts me.

That is how I'm feeling. I feel controlled and limited. My thoughts are slowly beginning to come out. I've been stressing and complaining via Facebook, it's been obvious for many, blank for others who don't view my profile (I don't blame ya), but despite the rants, or moments of fantastic adventure, or moments where nothing was holding me down... I feel chained. I wake up, and all I see is the work, the pressure, the future... I want it to stop...

It feels like it's trying to come back. But my wired conscience, and drowsiness, are keeping me from letting it go. But it's not just those; it's mostly myself. I have fears. Drunkenness. A lust for success and achievement. I told myself once that this is absolutely not the way to live. A life where there is nothing to lose, and that I should live free and young, and die free and old. This pressure from the world... I should stop. I must stop. Not for the sake of my future success and achievements, or failures... but for the sake of my future, period.

- Ant